Mary Kaye Dawn Oliverson Gilgen
Never when I took this picture a while ago would I think it would be my grandma's obituary one. You never know how much a person truly means to you until they are gone. My grandma Gilgen body was shutting down, we knew we were losing her but we didn't think we actually would for a long time. Bobbi left for her mission just the week before. You know I think we all knew it was going to happen and tried to prepare ourselves but I don't think anyone can truly prepare themselves from losing someone they love so much.
Below is more of a journal entry just for me to keep so I can remember. You are welcome to read it and comment if you would like. I do not mind. Sorry it kind of skips around a lot, also.
July 29, 1939-April 17, 2012
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| Mary Kaye Dawn Oliverson Gilgen |
Monday night I went out to grandma's and my uncles and most of the guy cousin's were out there building a ramp onto grandma's house for her. She just could not lift her feet anymore. Her body was just so tired. I felt so bad for her. But my grandpa was starting to get tired to. It was hard for him to take care of her alone. He told us he didn't know how he was going to take care of her anymore it was just getting to physically hard on him also. So it was also a blessing she left when she did. Now let me tell you. She had attitude, probably where I got some. She told my grandpa that she absolutely did NOT want a ramp. Luckily she never saw it or she would have flipped a biscuit for sure. But it was sweet to see my cousins and uncles just get together so fast and care for her so much to do that for her. By the way it was such a ghetto ramp. Haha it probably was not safety approved. Oh lanta my family!
Tuesday morning my mother came in my room and told me my grandma had passed away then she walked out. I sat in my bed crying not knowing if this was a bad dream or not. I went out and my mom was crying a little but was taking losing her mother much better than anyone could take losing a parent. She called her siblings my Uncle Kim answered and said he was on his way to the site but was catching the bus to come back. My Uncle Kelly didn't answer but grandpa had already called them. My Aunt Loreena was already at work and couldn't answer so my parents went and told her and drove her over to grandpa's. She said, "as soon as she saw my mom, she knew something bad had happened." My mom just stared at her and said mom's gone.
I have a lot of regrets about not spending more time with my grandma, not taking more pictures, not going to see her all this time she had been sick. How selfish I had been. I always would give her hugs and tell her how much I loved her. Bobbi left Wednesday and my dad got a call Thursday, all three of us were at the store and grandpa called telling us grandma was bleeding and needed a blessing. They were in the Emergency Room. We went in and grandma was on a bed. She just looked so tired. She told me us she didn't want to do this anymore. She just wanted to go. They gave her a blessing and she was almost in tears. I could tell she was just so tired, but we just kept telling her she was going to be fine. She grabbed my hand and I talked to her while holding her hand. We had to get going so I gave her a kiss on the cheek and told her I loved her and she said she loved me too.
Sunday we went and visited her. Andrew had called during church and told me to have mom call him. He said she was not looking good and that we needed to go see her. We went over after church and took grandpa food. Poor lady was just so swollen and she couldn't talk well her tongue sounded like it was swollen too. We could not understand her too well. We stayed for probably an hour. I just felt so bad she had been in that room for so many days. She told us that she was doing better and that they were going to let her go home soon or tomorrow. Grandpa just laughed and said noooo I don't think so. We told her goodbye and I didn't even give her a hug, I don't know why I didn't that one time.
Back to Tuesday (Mom's first day of her new semester at BYU-I she missed)I showered and called my Aunt Ma Marcia then went over to Grandma Hart's and just cried and cried. I'm still crying while writing this. I drove over to grandpa's and only Grandpa and aunt Loreena and my parents were there so far. Slowly more and more family started coming. It was great to see all of our family come together. We haven't all been at the same place for so long. We just talked and cried. [My grandma was making me an Afghan that she was crocheting. It was my favorite color and blue. She had been working on it for months and everytime I would come over she was say look how far I am and that I'm sorry I am taking so long. I didn't want her to hurry though. She had arthritis really bad and could barely move her fingers. I can't believe she had worked so hard on it. It is about the size of a baby blanket and it is absolutely perfect. I love it so much. You can look at it and see the mistakes and how she had undone and redid some of it. ] Anyways me and my grandpa were int he back room and he had not really started crying yet but I saw my afghan and went over and grabbed it and said look. He said oh what do you want that for I guess you can take it, it is yours. He continued we will have to get somebody to finish it. I looked at him and told him with tears coming out of my eyes, "I don't want anyone else to finish it." We then hugged and cried together. My poor grandfather. Such a strong man. Andrew had come over and I have never seen my brother even sad before. He loved grandma so much, they were best friends. While in the kitchen with him and dad he just gave my dad a hug and kept saying how she was my best friend, she was my best friend. And cried. He use to in high school go over to her house all the time and watch old movies with her. They loved it. After he got married this December he moved in next door to my grandma and grandpa. He would go over everyday after work and just sit and talk with her. We all went into the front room and started making the funeral plans my mom was writing everything down for the funeral. Grandpa just wanted everyone to be included. He asked Andrew to give the Dedicatory Prayer and Brett to give the family prayer, later Brett decided he couldn't do it and so Tyler said he would. We then went all over the house looking for pictures. Me and Tyler went in grandma's room and searched, then me and mom went upstairs to find things. I think it had been years since I had even been in her bedroom or upstairs. It brought back lots of old memories. I think I talked to some of my cousins that day about their lives longer than I ever had before. I think it somewhat brought all of us together for that time. The adults all went to the funeral home and I went to class and so did my cousin. It was weird to me to think everyday someone is having a day like that and yet life still just moves on so fast. It made me really think about how you shouldn't ever judge someone because 1. You don't know if it will be your last day and 2. You don't know what they are going through. I don't think I have ever cried so much in my life. My eyes just hurt so bad. I am so blessed to have such wonderful family and friends around. I got texts all week form family and friends telling me hose sorry they were and my family on the Hart's side were there for everything. Michelle had texted me probably an hour after I found out to see how I was doing. I had friend's I haven't talked to in months and even though nobody could take away the sadness or help me those texts and phone calls and cards were so special to me. I love all of you. I got to hear from some friends who I had not heard from in months/years. I am truly blessed.
We called the Bishop to ask if we could go tell Bobbi since she was at the MTC in Provo and had only been there a week. He told us he would call and see what we were suppose to do. Now Bobbi did not even know grandma was in the hospital because grandma told us not to tell her because she didn't want her to worry. We didn't tell her which probably made it worse because she seemed fine at Bobbi's farewell that Sunday. They told us they would pull her aside and tell her and then she could call us. (Mom's first day of the new semester at BYU-I was suppose to start Tuesday but she missed all her classes.) After I e-mailed all of mom's teacher's explaining why she had missed class and that she would be back as soon as she could be we drove to Rexburg later that day to get her books and to go for a drive. Me, her and dad, Bobbi had called us. She talked to mom first and they both cried together then she talked to dad. She explained to him that they told her ealier that day that her grandmother had passed away. She just figured it was grandma Hart because that grandma is older. So she cried and then went to the temple and was fine. Well she called my dad's store to talk to us and an employee said we were still over at Gilgens. Then she realized it was her other grandma taht had passed. My poor sister, what I would have given to be able to give her a hug that day, she cried for the loss of both grandma's that day. I got to talk to her for a few minutes but I couldn't say much and she didn't want to stay on the phone crying so we said our goodbyes. She had wrote us ealier that day before she found out about grandma and was doing so well and so happy. She told us that she was not going to come back for the funeral. Which we thought was good because it would be hard to go back and she can stay busy down there.
Wednesday and Thursdays were just blurs I can't really remember what all happened. I just remember one day going into grandma's house and it smelled so strong like her.
Friday was the viewing. I was fine most of the time. No cries no tears no ugly-(Hilary Weeks quote) There was a steady line of family and friends. Grandma was so worried nobody would come. All of our family was there. My oldest cousin Josh had even left his wife and daughter and flew in so that he could be with us. I don't understand viewings. I don't know why people want to put a body on display. I will not touch the bodies but I always think of them like dolls, or like a shell, it does not make me sad because it is not them. They had a video playing and I didn't look over at it until the viewing was over and it was just family. It made me cry seeing all the happy memories we had together. I still have not seen it all the way through for some reason but I can't believe how beautiful my grandmother was. I miss seeing her smile.
Saturday was the funeral. That was a hard day. All of my grandpa's siblings were there minus one who had passed already and my grandma's sisters were there. So many of my mom's cousin's had come that I had not ever even met before. The moment I walked in the church the tears came and they would not stop. I could not believe how many people's life my dear grandmother had touched. It is wonderful to be able to see how many people love and care for our family. I could not believe my grandma Hart and Aunt Marcia, Uncle Chip and Michelle, Katie, and Kristie had come.John and Denae came too. That was so nice of them I could never thank them enough. I love them all so much they have no idea how much it meant to me that they would come . The funeral was not too long which was nice. M Mom and Uncle Kelly gave the life sketch and my Uncle Kim gave a talk. He mentioned how much she loved her boys. Meaning the Jazz players. Oh how she loved them. She did love her family more no doubt though. OH and her Jazz boys won in triple over time the night before she had died. She stayed up and watched the game until the end. I am sure she loved that! That game was won for her. We loaded the flowers and Ron (dad's cousin) drove the siren cars. They blocked off traffic so the funeral line could go together. At the funeral Andrew said the Dedicatory Prayer. My grandpa let one pigeon go and then each one of the grandchildren let a pigeon go. The thing about pigeons is that they don't go home until all of the other birds are with them. Once all the birds are together then they leave and fly home. It was really a nice day and I think it was as good as a funeral could be. Thank you Michelle for picking the birds up and thanks Jamie for taking pictures.
I'm so glad I was able to be born into this family and have the gospel in my life. I don't know how people can go through life thinking they will never see their loved ones again. I am so excited for the day when I will get to see my Grandma Gilgen and my Grandpa Hart and others who I have lost, again. I can't wait for those hugs! I'm glad we had the holy ghost with us through everything. I'm glad Bobbi, Devin and so many other missionaries is out teaching other families about our church so that they can be with their loved ones again. I'm so happy that I have the Holy Ghost and Heavenly Father with me through everything. I'm so greatful for my parents and family and friends and the love that they have for me. I'm so blessed and thankful for the things my parent have taught me and love Heavenly Father so much for making it possible for families to be together forever. I pray for those who are stuggling with the loss of loved ones that they can have peace and comfort and that those who are struggling with living the ways they are suppose to soften their hearts.
My Grandma Gilgen
- Her beautiful Smile
- Her birthmark on her cheek
- Her singing Happy Birthday to me
- Her drawing and decorating our envelopes
- Her calling me by my nicknames
- Hearing her voice on the phone and in person
- Seeing her paint
- Seeing her crochet
- She took us on a Bear Hunt (still have my bear)
- She took us on Birthday dates to spend our money on anything we wanted when we were younger
- Her cookies
- Sunday nights at her house with all the family
- Her telling me how much she worries about my cousins. She worried about everyone.
- Her being around on Christmas watching us open presents
- She made our baptism dresses
- She made us blankets because she knew what it was like to be cold and she never wanted her grandchildren to ever be cold
- She made us beautiful porcelain dolls
- Her always telling me to smile
- Her telling me I look so beautiful especially when I smile
- Her flowers and yard were beautiful
- Her hand made Christmas presents
- Her Hugs
- Blowing kisses
- Her telling me how proud she was of me
- Her telling me how much she loved me
- Seeing how much she loved my mother ......
- Her love for her friends
I'm so glad I got to be named after such a wonderful woman that I am going to miss so much.
Love You Grandma!
"Remember me with smiles and laughter, for that is how I will remember you. If you can only remember with tears, then don't remember me at all."- Michael Landon
1 comment:
Love you Jess!
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